After a long hiatus, I decided it was time I got down to reading a few contemporary writers. So I checked out this book from BCL called cRUMPLE zONE by Nick Barlay (best-selling author of Curvy Lovebox- the blurb informed me). It was supposed to have best dialogues ever. After a healthy dose of Wodehouse and Richard Gordon, I though to myself, “How bad can it be?”
Well, after the first six pages, I found myself hurriedly turning to the back pages for the translation. I wasn't sure that I was reading English. I mean a couple of 'innit's thrown in for effect is fine. But really... an entire book where there's not a coherent sentence is a little too much for me to take.
Sure, I'm the last person who should be complaining about coherence, but when dialogues aren't in between inverted commas and you're struggling to figure out what’s 'dialogue' and what's narrative, and how exactly all this can pass for English, you have you hands full.
And it isn't even funny. Going through this pure drivel for some ray of black humour (heck humour in any form, size shape... even crass slapstick...) would have been bearable, but imagine Thomas Hardy writing contemporary Burmingham with his head full of smack so only he can make sense of the pathos…Hmm. I wasted a Sunday. So I though I might as well spread the pain... Love me for it.