A Blogger's Guide to the Real World

There have been many , many self-help, money-spinning guides that guide a beginner through the wonderful world of blogging. None, however, that recognise that there are millions of bloggers out there who actually need a guide to function during the time that they spend away from the safe haven of the computer screen.
The world is a mean and cruel place that makes no allowances for techno geeks who're totally at sea with any communication that does not involve a monitor and/ or Avatras. This does not bode well for bloggers such as myself. Thus the need fo the guide: 'A Bloggers Guide to the Real World'
This guide should be a step-by-step process of discovery of how the rest of the world (those strange, unnnatural, unevolved beings) communicates.
It should include useful tips such as what to do when a member of the Opposite sex talks directly at you, how to react if another member of our species attempts to indulge in physical contact - like trying to shake hands (it is not to be construed as an act of over aggression, in fact, strangely, it is supposed to mean quite the opposite) and even how long should one engage in eye contact before it is considered creepy , at first, and if a bit longer, disturbing. Of course too short a duration (of eye contact, that is) , and its' considered impolite, or symptomatic of ADD. See - tricky stuff, this.
Geeks such as myslf, all over the world, who think the face looks most luminiscent when viewed bathed in the reflection of a flickering monitor and people who've been outdoors too long have an unnatural glow would naturally think it most foul to indulge in any sport that does not involve a keyboard or a joystick. But considering the fact that so far, the Olympics have not included the video games category (and I'm still wondering why not) we are apparently in the minority. Thus when asked by one of the 'others' as to what sport do you pursue, the guide would tell us that it's not a good idea to tell them 'Ultimate Speed Racer Level XX' at Such times, infact it would gives us uselful little white lies we could use, for example: I used to be a footballer in colleges, but after my knee injury, I'm now more of a viewer, than a doer. or I love skiing, but now that I've moved to Chennai, there's not many places where I can indulgein this passion.
It is also not a good idea to tell the 'Others' that their so called password protected files and systems are ridiculously simple to hack into, and you could wipe out their entire credit history if you so chose. This is apparently not a subject that has them rivetted. These strange beings hate to be told how vulnerable they are, and how much we control the world they live in. They would much rather hear about your opinion on the most recent movie release, and how much CGI has changed entertainment. This guide should give you access to an online site that has the latest movie release with their reviews, which is updated every week. All you need to do is log in to this site before your evening of intermingling and brush up on the latest news.
I have searched the realms on the world wide web for such a book, and have found nothing. Zilch. Nada. Maybe such a book does not exist.

Or maybe I should go to an actual, Physical book shop. One hears that these things are located at every street corner. Hmm... perhaps tomorrow. For now I'm happy in my little cubicle with the tap-tapping of the keyboard to soothe my nerves and my IM friends who're a very very safe distance away.