Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Events

"When things go wrong, as they usually will..." - the phrase carries a wealth of meaning, especially in a field like mine. Or did I mean mine-field? Never mind. Read on.

I'm an event manager, by the way, also commonly known as Crises controller (notice the plural- there's always more than one!), event 'damn'ager (Yup. Your language would make a sailor blush, and you're just one of the novices here.), and so on.

Needless to say, an event that goes smoothly and exactly as planned is a utopian scenario. You’ve heard of things like that happening to a friend’s friend, but first hand reports are wholly absent. Most events, you're just glad if you come out of it alive, unscathed and with no permanent disability. Of course it helps immensely if your client's piss drunk and trying to hit on anything in skirts during the event. But, just in case he isn't, here area few ground rules to take you thru' to the next round....

1. 'It wasn't me!'- OK. So someone's screwed up. Big Time. Make sure your client knows it wasn't you. Help him find a scapegoat, if need be. Embellish the facts to really tighten the noose, if desired, but just remember- 'It Wasn't Me!!!'

2. Know Who's Foooting the Bill: It's pointless sucking up to someone if he's not going to be the one who's signing the cheques, or at the very least the one blowing on the signature for the ink to dry. So conserve all that suck-up energy and unleash it big time on the One That Counts....

3. 'You're right, of course.’ The client- He Da Man. He's always right. Never mind if what he's asking defies the very laws of physics and would have made Newton's hair stand on end. Just go ahead and do your thing- and tell him it was all his idea, and that he's a Goddamned Genius!

4. 'All's well that ends well': No one remembers how many times you've lost material, missed deadlines, erroneously deleted matter and totally mixed up your timings if the end result is a resounding success. The equation's pretty simple:
Resounding Success= Client Basking In Glory
Client Basking In Glory= Big Push Up the Ladder
Big Push Up the Ladder= All is Forgiven
All is Forgiven= More events to make your life living Hell.

Which is what you wanted...Oh Crap- I really haven't though this thru' have I?

3 comments:

Brad said...

As long as you remain anonymous, all's well. In your case, presently, all's swell! (Nevermind) I was wondering what if your wet-blanket client reads this post, figures out that it is esteemed Event Manager, what would his reaction be?

IdeaSmith said...

Heheh...I'm taking notes anyway.

Anjaan said...

Event Mangement Scrutinised. And ur dissection seems accurate. lol.
Happy new year to you gurl